The twelve days of Christmas 3: The Holly and the Ivy and the Daffodils

In case it escaped your notice, the weather has been unusual lately. What a mystery. Nobody could have predicted this unprecedentedly warm period, which – by total fluke – has coincided with a massive rise in fatally extreme weather conditions across the world. Scientists everywhere are wringing their hands and saying “What could possibly have caused all this?!”

Naturally, a lot of people in Herefordshire have been feeling less than festive due to the total absence of frost and snow, a phenomenon which has come hand in hand with the charming but disturbing presence of spring flowers in the hedgerows. Admittedly, such oddities are solidly at the lower end of any scale measuring “severity of climate change consequences.” But this post is meant to be light entertainment, so I won’t talk about what’s happening in the North or further afield.

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I saw these festive daffodils in Oxford on Christmas day.

In case you were feeling a bit down about the imminent eco-apocalypse, here are a few beneficial side-effects of global warming:

  • Massive savings on hats and gloves
  • Apocalyptic sci-fi novels will finally be able to take a coveted place in the nonfiction section of Waterstones
  • Lots of scientists will get to say “I told you so” to Donald Trump
  • Millions of people across the world will be encouraged to live a more minimal life by relinquishing unnecessary possessions such as their homes and infrastructure
  • No more pesky ice caps, making the arctic (and several major cities) easier to cross by boat
  • Holly-related injuries will be far less prevalent when “Christmassy” plants are redefined by the shifting seasons
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Hopefully, whatever else happens before 2030, I will at some point get better at drawing hands in perspective.

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